Doctor, Doctor!
by Sandileina
Summary: Hospital antics, blacklists and crayons. You have to pity the nurses who have to take care of Akaya in the hospital.


**Disclaimer: **No. –is bored of thinking up disclaimers- ;pp

**Rating: **PG

**Warnings: **Language, shounen-ai

**Summary: **Hospital antics, blacklists and crayons. You have to pity the nurses who have to take care of Akaya in the hospital.

**Author's notes: **Another Rikkai drabblething. **You don't have to have read the ones that come before this, but it might help a bit. **The drabblething list goes:

**Times of Stress**

**Passing the Time**

**How to ask out Marui Bunta**

**Four Days Later**

**October Ice**

**Because I Love You**

**Evil**

**Further Nonsense**

**Dear Diary**

**Kind of… the same**

**100 Word Challenges**

**Driver in a Hurry, Child in a Coma**

**Doctor, doctor!**

This is the direct sequel to 'Driver in a Hurry, Child in a Coma'. If you haven't read that, you may or may not get slightly confused ;)

**-------------------------------**

Christmas was on its way.

Which meant that the shops were filled with glitter and tinsel, toys, Christmas trees and cakes and general merry trinkets.

It was only the 14th of November, but never mind. The usual Christmas commercialism had started up in October. Everyone was pretty much used to it by now.

And instead of bouncing around the shops and being entranced and inevitably hypnotised by the sparkling lights, Kirihara Akaya was stuck in a hospital ward with its boring white walls and boring bankets and boring food and boring people. Go figure.

The female doctors and nurses on his ward were in two definite factions when it came to the curly-haired boy. Faction One consisted mainly of Kana-san ("Bless him, he's adorable!"), Miyo-san ("He never means any harm; he's just a little sweetheart"), Namiko-san ("I'm sure he didn't _mean_ to destroy all Midori-sensei's records for this month") and Tokiyo-sensei (You have to admit that those puppy-eyes of his are absolutely the cutest things on the planet!"). Faction Two was made up of Fumiki-san ("He's such an arrogant little brat!"), Teriyo-sensei ("If he asks me one more time how old I am, I swear I'll scream…"), Orino-sensei ("I'm _so_ grateful I'm not that boy's poor mother") and Risa-san ("What does it _take_ to make him listen?"). The vast majority of the male staff tended to side with Faction Two.

Yes, Akaya wasn't the most popular patient the hospital had ever had (that honour, it was generally agreed, was given to Yukimura Seiichi). Not that he cared a bit.

He'd been in the hospital for an entire week now, and it was driving him slowly further round the bend. There were only so many things he could do to entertain himself when he could barely move most of his right side without it blossoming into pain.

Akaya stared at the clock on the opposite wall, willing it to move faster. Marui and the others would be able to visit at four thirty; currently it was just past three. Akaya was sick of watching tv. There was nothing much else to do, except annoy the staff members who didn't like him. He was on his best behaviour with the ones that did, of course; unlike Niou, Akaya knew that it was sensible to retain a few allies.

"Good afternoon, Kirihara-kun," said the motherly voice of Orino-sensei, the doctor who seemed to be in charge of Akaya's drug and vitamin intake. "How are you feeling today?"

Akaya scowled up at her. "My chest hurts."

"Whereabouts in your chest?" Orino-sensei sat down on the chair by Akaya's bedside, clipboard and pen in hand.

"Dunno. My chest."

"Yes, but whereabouts?" she asked patiently. "Your ribs? Internally, or externally?"

"What does externally mean?"

Orino-sensei eyed him suspiciously. According to the latest IQ test results from Akaya's school, he was a very bright child. She found it difficult to believe that he genuinely didn't know the meaning of most of the words he asked her to define for him.

"On the outside," she relented. "As in, close to the skin's surface. It's the opposite of internally."

Akaya gave her an innocent smile, green eyes wide. "You mean my bandages?"

"No, because they're not a part of your body, so they can't hurt, can they?"

"I bet they can. Have you ever asked?"

"No, and I don't intend to. Please answer my question, Kirihara-kun; you're not the only patient I have to see today."

"What was the question again?"

Orino-sensei took a calming breath, wishing Tokiyo-sensei could take over when it came to talking to the teenager. "I asked you whereabouts the pain in your chest was."

"What pain?"

"You said that your chest hurt, didn't you?"

Akaya blinked at her. "Oh, did I say chest? I meant to say leg."

"… Alright, fine, where does your leg hurt, and on which leg?"

"My right leg."

Orino made some notes on her clipboard, thankful that Akaya seemed to be cooperating at last. "Whereabouts?"

"Next to the elbow."

The annoyed doctor looked up from her clipboard. "I'm sorry? Don't you mean knee?"

"Oh, whoops, that's right. I meant to say that it was my arm that hurt, not my leg. I think it's your perfume, sensei. It's affecting my brain." Akaya gave her a cheerful smile.

"I'm sure it doesn't have anything to do with my perfume," Orino said, managing to keep her voice civil. "Kirihara-kun, could you please just tell me whether you're in any pain, and where? Then I can administer the necessary painkillers for you."

"What does administer mean?"

Orino gave up. After six days of this, she'd learnt that keeping at it would lead to up to three whole hours of going round in circles. "Miyo-san! Can you fetch Tokiyo-sensei please? Tell her that I'm sorry to drag her away from her work, but I need her to talk to Kirihara-kun again."

"Hai," Miyo called from just outside the ward. Akaya blinked and pouted just a little at Orino.

"Don't you like me, sensei?" he asked, sounding as sad and pathetic as he possibly could.

"Of course I do," she lied. "I just think that Tokiyo-sensei will be able to do this quicker than I can."

Akaya sniffled. Then he scowled when Orino-sensei didn't look at all sympathetic or regretful. "Just cos you wish you were a teenager again and not an old _hag_," he muttered.

Orino managed to pretend not to hear ('_I don't look old, do I? I'm only thirty, for crying out loud!_'), and she stood up gratefully when Tokiyo made an appearance. "Tokiyo-sensei," she said, smiling/grimacing. "Could you please carry out Kirihara-kun's daily evalutation today? I have… other things to attend to."

Tokiyo gave a knowing smile, but willingly took Orino's place by Akaya's bedside.

"Good afternoon, Akaya," she said kindly, giggling a little when Akaya positively beamed at her, the picture of innocent youth.

"Hi," he said. Akaya honestly liked Tokiyo-sensei; she vaguely reminded him of a female version of Mura-buchou.

"How are you feeling today? I think you annoyed Orino-sensei, by the way. I doubt you meant to, but try and be careful, hmm?"

"Ok," Akaya nodded.

"Good boy. So how do you feel? Is the pain alright?"

"Yeah. Doesn't hurt at all. Unless I move."

"That's good; you shouldn't really be moving around anyway. So which painkillers were…" The daily evalutation went on for the next ten minutes, then it was done. Akaya was given a small amount of mild tranquiliser to help him take a nap until four thirty, and under Tokiyo's affectionate smile he fell asleep.

Four o'clock came and brought with it Marui Bunta; he'd decided to play truant for the last lesson in order to spend more time alternately annoying and fussing over Akaya. He managed to sneak into the room Akaya had been moved into from the ward, and grinned fondly at the sight of Akaya fast asleep, mouth open and snoring ever so slightly.

Chewing loudly on his bubblegum, Marui sat down on the bed itself, rearranging Akaya's hair so that it looked marginally less messy than it currently did. Not that it was ever neat in the best of circumstances, but today it looked like a grumpy crow had tied it in knots.

He was about to switch on the tv and wait for Akaya to wake up, but then his sharp eyes caught sight of the corner of some paper poking out from beneath Akaya's lumpy pillow.

Curious, he carefully slid it out and unfolded it. It was covered in writing; it was definitely Akaya's handwriting, even though it was a lot harder to read than normal. Marui was pretty surprised; he hadn't thought Akaya was able to use his arm to write yet.

The list was titled, in scrawled romaji, 'My Blacklist'.

Marui's eyebrows rose and a grin spread over his face. Ooh, this should be _very_ interesting.

Not bothering to consider the moralistic side of reading a possibly private piece of writing, he settled himself comfortably and began to read, squinting to try and read the extremely untidy kanji.

'My Blacklist.

Fuji-san. Because he scared the hell out of me.

Fukubuchou. Because he makes me run extra laps all the time and yells at me a lot and makes me take extra tuition and tells Mura-buchou on me.

Niou-senpai. Because he's mean and deserves to be punished.

Jackal-senpai. Because he confiscated my crayons.

Yanagi-senpai. Because his data-book scares me.

Okaasan. Because she doesn't visit me enough.

Otousan. Because he hasn't visited me at all, and he's evil anyway.

Sato-sensei. Because he keeps giving me detention.

My English teacher. Because she deserves it.

Niou-senpai. Because he wouldn't help me find my homework diary.

Midori-sensei. Because he blamed me for wrecking his medical records or something. And he yelled at me.

The car driver who hit me.

The car driver's parents. Because they spawned him.

The person who taught him to drive.

The person who sold him the car.

The person who gave him his driving license.

Niou-senpai. Because he brings me schoolwork every time he visits.

The lights for turning green.

The person who painted his car such a stupid colour.

The girls who sent me flowers that I'm allergic to.

Niou-senpai for annoying me so much for the last two years.

Niou-senpai. Because he ate my goldfish.

Niou-senpai. Because he melted all my crayons.

Niou-senpai. Because he's too lazy to get his own lunch so he steals mine.

Niou-senpai. Because he's totally colourblind and said my eyes were blue. Yuckyuckyuckyuck.

Niou-senpai. Because he sometimes flirts with Maru-chan.

Niou-senpai. Because he had Maru-chan's first kiss when they were first years.

Niou-senpai. Because he thinks cars are better than motorbikes.

Niou-senpai. Because he tied me to a tree in the park then forgot about me.

The cooks in this hospital. Because they don't serve green tea.

Niou-senpai. Because he told me that camels don't exist.

Niou-senpai. Because he infects everyone with his cigarette smoke.'

It was a worryingly long list, really. Amused, Marui folded the list back up and slid it under the pillow just as he'd found it, making a mental note to warn Niou just how many times he appeared on Akaya's blacklist.

Then he decided that it would be far more fun to help Akaya with his revenge, and making a mental note to remind him.

"… Nuuuuuuh. Meh…. Gerroff."

Grinning, Marui shifted himself onto the chair, pecking Akaya on the cheek cheerfully. "Goooooood afternoon!" he announced. "How's the little invalid today?"

"Not little," Akaya muttered sleepily, blinking blearily and sitting up with an effort. "What time's it?"

Marui checked the clock. "About quarter past. Four," he added.

"You're early."

"Heh, yeah, I skipped Art. Can't draw anyway. I got Mura to tell sensei that I'm attending a funereal."

Akaya wrinkled his nose. "Didn't you use that excuse already?"

"What, so I can't have two relatives die in one week?"

"They'll probably think you killed them," Akaya snickered.

"Nah, I'm not you or Haru. Oh, that reminds me…" Marui dug around in his coat pockets and pulled out a small piece of paper. "Here. Yagyuu said you asked for this."

Akaya's face lit up. "Ooh, what is it?"

"How should I know? Open it up, then." Akaya took the paper with his left hand and unfolded it, rubbing the blurriness from his vision.

"Oh," he said disappointed. Marui craned his neck to see a drawing of an elephant. He looked puzzled.

"What the hell did he draw you an elephant for?"

"I asked him to draw me a camel!" Akaya scowled, annoyed. "That's not a camel, right?"

"… Maybe he thought you asked for an elephant?"

"Even Yagyuu-senpai's not that deaf. Stupid senpai." Akaya balled up the paper and chucked it in the direction of the wastepaper basket. It missed spectacularly and Marui cackled, earning a sulky scowl.

A knock sounded at the door, and they both looked up. "What?" Akaya asked grumpily. The door opened and Yukimura entered, Yanagi following closely behind.

Akaya looked a little happier. "Mura-buchou! I thought you were in Art?"

Yukimura chuckled. "I was, but then Aiba-sensei said that I could go early to comfort Bunta for his loss. And Renji finishes early on a Tuesday anyway."

"How are you?" Yanagi asked, pulling over one of the many stools by the wall to sit on.

"Bored," Akaya complained. "There's nothing to do. Even annoying the doctors is getting boring."

Yukimura sat down too, taking off his coat and scarf. "I've got something that might cheer you up," he smiled. "Sort of an early Christmas present; I was bored too at lunchtime, so I thought I'd wrap it." He drew a long, flat box out of his pocket, festively wrapped.

Eagerly, Akaya tore away the wrapping paper, muttering about how useless his right arm was. When he saw what was inside, he _beamed_.

Yukimura burst out laughing at the expression of utter joy on the boy's face. "Thought you'd like it," he said, patting Akaya's head fondly.

Marui raised an eyebrow, torn between amusement and a WTF expression. "Jeez, you weren't _this_ happy when I got you a digital camera for your birthday. And you'd been wanting that for like, ever."

"It's the little things in life," Yanagi said sagely.

"Can I use them now? Can I? Please?" Akaya babbled excitedly, gazing up at Yukimura with an expression of utter adoration on his face.

"If you like. Here, I've got a spare notebook that you can have." Yukimura got it out and smiled as Akaya nearly fell out of bed trying to make his body cooperate.

Later that day, Akaya tore up his blacklist out of "festive goodwill." It was quite funny how one little box of crayons could make someone so happy.

**-------------------------------**

Sandy: Nuuuh. I didn't actually like this drabblething very much... And the title has like, nothing to do with it at all... -falls over- Oh well. I thought I'd post it anyway, since my AU's gonna take a bit longer to do. I've got stupid mock exams in a week or two, and I've gotta have all my coursework done, so... -dramatic sigh- This is what you get. -.-;; Sorry...

Review anyway, please 6.6;; Even if it's just to tell me how bad it was xDD


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